Chapter 18
The first major family holiday without Claudia arrived in spring.
Easter.
Normally we would have driven to her house by eleven.
Sarah would have spent the previous evening worrying about what to wear.
I would have been told which wine to bring.
Lily would have received instructions about table manners.
Instead, we invited two neighboring families and Alex’s family to our house.
We hid plastic eggs around the backyard.
I burned the first batch of biscuits.
Sarah served ham from the grocery store instead of having it catered.
Someone spilled lemonade on the patio.
Nobody cared.
At one point Lily came running inside with grass stains on both knees.
Sarah looked at her.
Then laughed.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Am I in trouble?”
“No.”
Lily narrowed her eyes suspiciously.
“Really?”
“Really.”
She ran back outside.
Sarah stood beside me at the kitchen counter.
“My mother would’ve made her change clothes.”
“I know.”
“She would’ve told her she looked messy.”
“I know.”
Sarah watched through the window.
“I used to think those things were normal.”
“Some of them probably looked normal.”
“That’s what makes it hard.”
I took her hand.
Outside, Lily was racing Alex’s daughter across the yard.
No one was correcting her posture.
No one was telling her to lower her voice.
No one was measuring whether she behaved in a way that reflected well on the family.
She was simply a child.
I realized then that safety is sometimes surprisingly ordinary.
It sounds like children laughing too loudly.
May you like
It looks like muddy shoes by the back door.
It feels like dinner where nobody studies the room before speaking.
